“And what do you do for a living? I am frequently asked. “Well, umm, … I’m a stay-at-home father with a severely disabled daughter.” “My, … you must be an amazing man, I could never do what you are doing.”
Nothing puffs me up more than to be amazing, except with the realization that I am not. However, something is amazing to me. It's amazing to me that I have been blessed with the privilege of caring for my disabled daughter for 29 years.
From the beginning, as new parents, my wife Caroline and I were counseled by professionals to give up our child because a disabled child is a great burden and a huge financial commitment. We were encouraged to place her in the care of professionals so that we could “get on with our lives.”
There were two crucial considerations that we as parents that we think about. First was that healthcare professionals did not have a clue how to care for our child. Within days of Nancy's emergency caesarean birth, exasperated nurses handed our seizuring daughter to us because they were unable to feed or calm her. It was evident that professionals didn't know any more about what Nancy needed then we knew, as young, inexperienced parents. We learned that after hours of cuddling, Nancy was relaxed enough to breastfeed.
The second consideration was that there were no professionals who could love Nancy like we did. Nancy is the product of love between my wife and myself; she is God's creation. Whatever Nancy was or would become, she was part of us; she was a member of our family.
As Nancy’s father, my number one responsibility is to love and care for her even though I would be required to make sacrifices. I chose to honor God's instruction in Ephesians 5:28, “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies”; because I knew that a strong marriage would equip us to be a strong family. Some days I felt cheated from time with my wife because Nancy's care came first. Other days I felt like a failure when my efforts to calm Nancy seemed useless.
The love chapter (1 Corinthians 13) speaks about love and I took this command to love my wife, my child and my family seriously. I was reminded, “Love never fails.” Whenever anger welled up in me and my feelings of inadequacy bore down on me, these thoughts renewed my focus:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (verses 4-7).
Nancy taught our family a love lesson; We have learned that sacrifice and difficulty are made bearable by faith in Jesus Christ through the practice of love as defined in first Corinthians 13. While Nancy is not able to communicate and is totally dependent on those who love her, she has blessed me immensely. My wife and companion of 35 years passed away two years ago. Nancy continues to live with me and I love and care for her. What I have not achieved in my life because of my devotion to Nancy has been exceeded by blessings I could never have imagined. She truly is God's gift and she has opened the door of love and richness that I could have never imagined. God does all things well!
David P., Alberta Canada
